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Strength between the Sheets During Transition

by Nancy Fagan-Murphy, M.S.,

Maintaining an intimate closeness with your partner takes work. This is especially true during life transitions that have demonstrated statistically higher rates of divorce—retirement and second marriages, among others.

To ensure your marital bond stays strong, keeping the lines of communication open is a must. To make it happen, start by reserving nightly time together before you fall asleep to have talk time. You don’t have to verbally arrange a time to talk—it’s better to create a sort of bedtime ritual or habit of talking each night.

Talk time isn’t a time for serious discussions or conversation about hot-topic issues; it’s more a time for relaxed, fun conversation to get to know each other better.

The following are some good questions for you to ask your partner at talk time:

Tell me about your favorite pet when you were a child.

Who has been your best friend the longest?

What’s a holiday tradition that you like/dislike?

When you are old, what will be the highlight of your life?

If you could be the creator of any invention throughout time, what would it be?

Tell me about your first day in high school.

What are your favorite smells of each season?

As time goes by, you’ll begin to notice something amazing—you and your partner will have become a united team working together to face life’s challenges. Who’d ever guess that a little pillow talk could amount to something so strong?

About the Author: Nancy Fagan-Murphy, M.S. is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in women’s relationship and life transition issues. She is the author of “The Complete Idiot's Guide to Romance” and “Desirable Men: How to Find Them” and the founder of

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