How to Overcome Jealousy in a Relationship
Couples in a relationship are especially more susceptible to jealousy attacks, although everyone has, at one time or another, been guilty of being jealous. The important thing to remember is that jealousy can be overcome. What you need to figure out is, first, how to recognize the signs and admit to yourself that you have a problem. Once you’ve acknowledged that you’re being affected by it, you need to find out how to deal with it and in the process prevent yourself from falling under its spell again.
How do you know when jealousy rears its ugly head?
Jealousy flares up when one partner feels insecure or threatened either by a real or an imagined threat. It is oftentimes considered normal to feel a little bit of jealousy over something real. Jealousy in small doses is pretty normal as it results from your feeling of inadequacy when compared to someone or something better. For instance, you may have that feeling when a good-looking woman (or man) comes up to your partner. This situation may sometimes bring self-esteem issues to the fore. However, when you assume something more than what seems to be only a passing acquaintance, then you’re in danger of feeding your distrust and paranoia and may ultimately lead you to extreme fits of jealousy.
Another condition when a person becomes a prisoner of jealousy is when he/she has been deceived in a previous relationship and still harbors some feeling of distrust towards the opposite sex. You may recognize this person as a perfect candidate for jealousy when he/she becomes too interested in your activities to the point that he/she constantly checks-up on you, is always suspicious of friends and people you deal with on a regular basis, and sometimes, even goes through your personal stuff.
Dealing with the Green-Eyed Monster
In order to successfully keep the jealousy monster under control you have to search your feelings to try and find out the underlying cause of your jealousy. When your partner looks at another, do you feel that you’re going to lose him/her? Do you believe that he’s devoting too much time to another instead of you? When you ask yourself these questions, you will be able to determine the intensity of your jealousy and realize that if you’re behaving irrationally then the problem might lie with you.
Sometimes, it’s simply your perception of yourself that seems to be the problem. If you constantly find something wrong with yourself every time that you look in a mirror, then it may be time to correct it. Sometimes, a simple change like a haircut, or a change in wardrobe may be the solution. If you feel the need to alter your appearance through modern cosmetic surgery, then go for it, as long as you believe that doing so may boost your self-esteem and give you back your self-confidence. The key here is to change the way you view yourself in your mind.
Talking to your partner about your apprehensions may also help. You may set some rules on behavior at the onset of the relationship and commit to them. This will establish the foundation for trust between the two of you. If at any time, one of you makes a mistake, keep the communication lines open, keep an open mind and discuss the situation. Trust will develop and flourish as the relationship grows.
You also have to learn to control your emotions and confront your fears and suspicions in a rational manner. Remember that jealousy can affect everyone. You have to value the effort you and your partner have both put into your relationship. There may be a chance that your assumptions may be baseless. You wouldn’t want to ruin a good relationship if you let your jealousy control you.
About the Author: Ron Zvagelsky has a degree in Business Administration from the University of Southern California. He graduated Magna Cum Laude in May 2006. He is currently the Chief Executive Officer of PlanJam – where you can find fun date ideas and then plan a date.