Positions Open: Beach Bum
Are you looking for a new job? Are you tired of taking crap from your boss, wife/husband, and/or significant other? Do you long to work out of doors? Well, here’s something that might be just what you’ve been looking for, beach bum.
The characteristics of this employee are typically an ocean and
beach going person who might enjoy spending quite a bit of spare time sitting or recreating on a beach. Such a person may either be a local resident of a coastal town or be an out of town vacationer. They also might include a sailor or merchant seaman who is temporarily “beached” while searching for a new position.
The beach bum’s job is usually one of leisure. Beach bums may enjoy picnicking while on the beach. These picnics are usually with family, friends or new found compatriots. The choice is up to each individual beach bum. Most beach bums enjoy a barbecue at some point. Whether or not charcoal or propane gas grilling is allowed on the beach, most have at least one kind of grill at their beach abode.
Extended stays on the beach usually warrant at least moderate consumption of food at some point. Beach bums may enjoy the consumption of alcoholic beverages, usually beer, but wine or other beverages such as pina coladas and margaritas are sometimes consumed. Depending on the rules of the particular beach, alcohol may or may not be allowed. Places where it is prohibited but where the law is not readily enforced have a large amount of usage of beverage cozies. These are usually flexible foam holsters for cans of beer that not only keep them cold longer but shield the identity of the contents. Later there was the invention of bottle covers made out of a wet suit type of material. Both kinds of holders usually have some sort of brand logo or amusing comic on them. Because of their construction materials and place of usage, they are not to be confused with the brown paper bags used to drink bottles of malt liquor out of, stereotypically by poor minorities.
Unlike the title of a regular bum, the label "beach bum" is usually or unusually, not derogatory. A person who would be recognized as a "beach bum" usually has accumulated a substantial tan from being in the sun for long periods. Skin cancer is an occupational hazard that sometimes results from extended exposure. This is mostly due to the ultraviolet rays which the sun gives off. Skin cancer is fairly rare, but beach goers should exercise caution and use adequate sunscreen. On the east coast of the USA, especially New Jersey, an accomplished "beach bum" usually has a dark tan by the end of the summer season.
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