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At Odds With Your Partner? Here is How to Understand Each Other.
One of the greatest difficulties of being a human is that we never can see within the heart, mind, and experience of another person. This is especially problematic in marriage where, based on years of experience, we think we know our partner. We usually are only partly right about what our partner is experiencing. That is why it is so important to draw out your partner‘s point of view. A good listener has a big advantage in marriage.
When partners share feelings, ideas, and beliefs, our responsibility is to be attentive, respectful, and accepting. You demonstrate sensitivity by listening attentively in order to understand your partner’s frame of reference. The skill of empathy helps us do this. To be empathic is to listen and observe attentively, not only to hear the words that your partner expresses, but also to understand the feelings expressed. It’s important to focus on nonverbal clues, such as tone of voice and gestures. By listening empathically, you are able to identify with your partner’s perceptions, thoughts, and feelings.
Your nonverbal and verbal behaviors assure your partner that you want to understand the message. Maintaining eye contact, focusing on what is being said, and giving feedback regarding your understanding of the message, communicate caring and acceptance.
Empathy allows us to enter our partner’s perceptual world and to spontaneously feel what our partner feels. Empathy may not result in agreement, but it allows us to demonstrate understanding. If we are empathic, our partner is more likely to reveal feelings and perceptions. Sharing our deepest feelings enriches our relationship.
Observing yourself in these situations will help you measure your empathy.
This exercise will give you practice in behaving empathically:
• Identify an issue or an area that is difficult for you to discuss with your partner.
• Examine the issue from your partner’s frame of reference. Can you identify the attitudes, feelings, and values that your partner holds regarding the issue?
• Discuss the issue from your partner’s point of view for 3-5 minutes.
• What was it like to feel or think like your partner?
• Now reverse roles and examine the issue from your own point of view. What are your feelings and beliefs regarding the issue?
• Discuss the issue from your own point of view for 3-5 minutes.
• Evaluate how the role reversal helped you.
Through expressing and listening to words and feelings, you and your partner can grow to know each other more intimately.
About the Author: Abagaile Odalis is a family and relationship professional with 12 years of experience in this field. She has written two revolutianry books on how to Seduce Women and the other to Attract Men .
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