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The Reality of Attraction and Dating in a Post Modern Society
Many men today are confused as to how to attract and deal
with women. Today our women are more beautiful (through
natural selection and beautification), capable and empowered
than at any point in history, and though this is a wonderful
thing, it's had many ramifications when it comes to
relationships.
Countless guys including 'great catches' are frustrated as
to how to deal with, attract and succeed with these
desirable women. In fact many men are so frustrated that we
now have 40 year old virgins. The major social dilemma that
I see exists is this:
Men are wondering "what is wrong with the women (and why do
they treat us like this)"? and women are wondering, "Where
are all the real men?"
Guys want to be a nice guy and they will even do what
society tells them to when it comes to dating and attracting
women yet almost none of it works. In fact it usually repels
women away or incites them to reluctantly partake in the
free gifts they're getting in exchange for their own time
even though the women are bored, not really interested and
definitely not attracted.
Societal 'dating' is a lot of presumptuous false
expectations and ideals that cater to her social leanings
and not what her heart truly desires (also because few of
these men have 'character').
Despite what the experts say, it often ends up being what
neither of them want (to appease arcane social norms) and
the guy goes home with an emptier wallet and a good night
hug and she'll end up (having sex) with a jerk who she is
biologically attracted to.
If he's 'lucky' he can maybe this beautiful woman's friend.
"Let's just be friends"...the kiss of death for him if he
only wanted something else.
So in order for men to be more effective with dating they're
going to have to do some different things. And I'm not
talking about becoming someone they're not so they have to
'seduce' women or act like a jerk, be a playboy or even to
'give her some of her own medicine'.
Women are just wondering why that can't find a man they are
attracted to who actually IS healthy and stable.
First of all society promotes 'courtship' which is a
socially derived function which worked great throughout
modern history when people lived in the same communities and
the focus was immediately on raising a family. Simply put,
things changed.
Today's independent women are more interested in exercising
their freedoms and seeing what happens instead of putting up
with all of the implied expectations dealing with having to
marry each guy they go out with.
Take a look at the hit 'Sex and the City'. Quite a long ways
from 'Leave it to Beaver' (and modern programming would have
been blasphemy back then; that's how far we've come).
So I don't know why dating experts keep teaching dating as
courtship; it's just so antiquated. Is it really to
'protect' women (who are more independent and powerful than
ever before anyways)?
Maybe they just don't want to face the reality of what women
want.
Yes, most women eventually want to get married but they want
it to happen casually and naturally when they meet a guy now
to see how it develops (with someone she's interested in)
INSTEAD OF having guys wooing and courting her from date
number one with flowers, dinner, walking on eggshells and lots
of incoming phone calls from someone she's not interested in
(unless she's letting her parents or social expectations rule
the decision).
Usually that's a LOT of pressure and expectation to deal
with plus the guy's are coming on too heavy and it's SO
predictable...they all seem the same to her just about and
it's very tiring. Now it's the good guys who are getting
their hearts trampled (see pop music) by these women.
In a traditional 'dating' situation (which we know
mainstream society promotes) she's not necessarily being
herself (although her grandma may have been), she's being
what society tells her to be (although times have changed)
and how to act.
Plus the man isn't getting anywhere either because he's
putting a fake foot forward to essentially buy her attention.
He's not being his true self upfront and those things will
surface later on both ends anyways. With the progression of
independence and advancement in both men and women, there's
more 'demons' that are being hidden as well as incompatible
personality traits.
Not to mention that everyone looking for a 'date' is only
looking for an interpersonal solution for themselves...they
don't really know the other person, just what they are
judging.
So, if a man follows society's advice of (courtship)
'dating' women, it's like living an incongruency (or lie)
with what he REALLY wants and what she wants unless they
really ARE looking and about ready to get married.
Most single, young (and now older) men want to have physical
relationships and aren't looking to get married right away
until they really get to know a woman and courting her isn't
really getting to know her.
If there was a price on love then a lot of people would be
permanently out of luck. Women know that love doesn't cost a
thing and I believe it (ie. J.Lo's natural and not social
side) yet people will continue to try and buy her affection.
Today, desirable and empowered women want to express their
(newfound) sexual freedom without having to have this guy
dragging her down. Basically girls really DO just want to
have fun but there's so much PRESSURE.
Now a man can do this without having to seduce her or be the
nice guy of courting her and getting both of them nowhere.
Most importantly he doesn't have to become someone he's not
or being an abusive jerk just to succeed.
If men and women could just be upfront, casual and honest
with each other in their intentions they could both have a
lot of fun and get to know each other without false
expectations.
And another important point, sex isn't likely to happen with
traditional courtship dating because society tells her to
delay sex so she can hold onto a keeper (which makes sense
for COURTSHIP). The focus is more on their
social/fake/expected relationship and less on who they
really are as people.
When guys take the 'dating route, it's like they have a
hidden agenda to get somewhere with her taking this route
and she knows it and in the wrong metaframe of courtship
with him pursuing, it makes her want him less.
It looks like he's hiding his true self and paying for her
attention. She often feels obligated to give him at least a
hug in exchange for everything he bought her and yet she'll
run off with a more dangerous man she is attracted to
because of the way SHE feels when she's around him.
She doesn't get these feelings of intoxication from the
wooing, low independent character men who are responding to
their perception of her. She wants to be respected and
treated as an equal (and nice guys put her above themselves)
so she often ends up pursuing an independent man.
Women have changed dramatically in a social and personal
matter so that they now have tremendous power, capability
and favor in life. They're marrying later and less
interested in men wooing them when it comes to attraction
and dating (unless they want to take material advantage of
the resources men are throwing at them).
A woman will often wonder if she will ever find a real man
who she can just have a fun and REAL time with which may or
may not naturally end up in sex. She doesn't want men
following her around like a whipped puppy, having them by
the string and not respecting her own independence.
Gold-diggers might like this to maintain high social status
but healthy women don't feel attraction for these men. It's
unnatural.
The power has shifted and it's changed almost everything.
Tradition is thrown off course and nature itself is being
slapped in the face by social culture and it's influence
(just turn on the t.v. and you'll be inundated with it
non-stop).
Men are wondering what went wrong and if they themselves are
the problem when it comes to dating. Their entire psyche and
outlook on reality has been affected and this affects all
areas of their life.
All of this is NOT desirable to alot of these women who have
really improved themselves in all of the aspects of their
life...a woman doesn't want to settle for LESS, she wants
men that are worthy of her time and not afraid of her for
just being herself (who she has become).
Little does she know though that she would be a completely
different woman if she were raised in another culture.
Little do men realize that they would have natural success
with women without really trying if they went to many other
cultures in the world.
They would be SHOCKED to find that 'it just happens'. This
is what nature or intelligent design intended. This
realization on my part is what I call 'cultural
differentiation'.
The socio-cultural 'forced reality' which began in America
around the 1960's has influenced the relationship dynamics
of countless millions of people now around much of the
world. It's the impetus of a 50% divorce rate.
Thankfully there is still the natural reality of attraction;
the ability within man and woman to know what to do when it
comes to attraction. It's within all of us and more
important than the social pervasive reality that defines
almost all current relations in these societies.
For man to truly begin to succeed with women and attraction,
he must cut through all of the junk, see the matrix for
himself and understand his relation to it.
The fact that women respond to men of high natural character
still doesn't change; it never will or we would be threatened
with the thought of extinction (note the birth rate is
increasing rapidly in traditional or natural cultures the
most).
Independent career women have less time to raise more kids
in their natural/traditional role as mother and nurturer
(reference; the neighbors in 'Cheaper by the Dozen').
Choosing a path of seduction or 'pick up arts' in order to
get the end result is now not the only option. There is
another and more powerfully effective way.
You see, current social byproduct (response solutions) like
pick up and seduction have become very popular because the
way women are responding to these men.
Women not being interested, ignoring them, and rejecting
them is very real (and common) so some men have found
another way to counteract it and deal with it (responding to
woman's general social power as the stimulus). The unnatural
transgression of sexual energy had to find an outlet.
In order to become a successful seducer or 'PUA' generally a
man has to study a system of countless techniques and
psychological triggers to try to bring a woman's level of
interest and attraction up to where it matters.
He will have to face a lot of rejection through his training
to start seeing results...results that work with women
starting on the social level where she has the favor and he
will often try to break down her social identity and her
belief in it so that her judgment becomes more clouded and
in his favor.
If he can 'talk her into' it to a point where he comes close
to her expectational/ideal response, then he may 'get
lucky'. This is the hard road and it's not natural, although
with practice he can be more effective than being a nice guy
of confused/diminished character who follows the outdated
courtship dating (not mating) ritual.
Overly 'wooful', courting men (nice guys) or PUA's (pick-up
artists) are BOTH trying to work against the natural energy
of what women really want by trying to deal with her on the
social level where she has received the power and they are
now essentially below her (and almost always act it).
She likes the attention and social proof plus all the gifts
and meals at times from the nice guys but there's a part of
her that is hollow and missing something (no pun intended).
She's not really attracted to these men and he doesn't
understand why he keeps buying her all these gifts and she
doesn't call back and dumps him.
There's no win/win situation there. I teach my men to keep
things interdependent and not to abuse their power
(potentially over women) when they attain awareness but to
respect women and add value to their lives.
If a woman can just find a man who is upfront, honest and
congruent with who he is and how he lives she'll respect him
(probably be greatly relieved from social pressures) and
then can decide whether to join him on his adventures or
not...and he doesn't get rejected.
In the game of attraction and who she is attracted to (who
she chooses and not what she or society says), her decisions
are almost always made on the natural level (although
unhealthy gold-diggers base their decisions on the social
level and teenage boy band fans will become infatuated with
a star's independent character portrayal).
The biological and natural mating instinct is the timeless
authority that guarantees something like social development
wouldn't throw nature off it's course (although it's now
being threatened).
Everyone knows how to reproduce; we don't have to be taught
(Return to Blue Lagoon). Social influence has just gotten in
the way. It has confused some men so much that they wonder
if they were ever meant to reproduce or go through the
mating ritual. This is a very true reality for many men.
And yet woman will often end up with jerks and losers
instead who are fearless and strong in natural character
because they're the closest options available to her
attraction response ideal (of how she 'feels' when she's
with him). Basically our biology is stronger than our social
programming.
And nice guys everywhere will just not get what's going on
and they will remain confused and disparately powerless or
less than they could be most of their adult lives unless
they really find their own path through the mire.
The answer lies in discovering what society has hidden from
him. It's not in being the wife-beater t-shirt guy, it's
about being a man of character; a man who is comfortable in
his own skin and can handle (and please) women without
having to say a word.
This is what women want. A real man. One who is respectful
but never panders to women or let's them violate his own
(respectful) boundaries. The fact that women have become
more demanding today just makes real relationships harder
but I'm teaching attraction and not 'dating' or marriage.
I don't know when the dating experts will EVER catch up but
they are right about one thing (which is skewed by the
seduction experts); women WANT men to be themselves.
The way seduction experts see it is if you just 'be
yourself' you will fail with women so you have to basically
turn yourself into someone you're not just in order to get
the end result (usually sex).
The way I see it is that men are NOT really being themselves
in the first place. This is where the problem lies; society
has diminished a man's own sense of masculinity,
independence and his place in the world in relation to
everything else..it's all watered down so that he has become
a man of lower character and almost unable to instill the
attraction response in women.
It seems the only men that women are 'attracted to' (we're
not talking about what society says she wants about marrying
a 'nice guy', etc.) are the bad boys and jerks who used to
be social outcasts.
Why is this so? Simply because the other men aren't stepping
up to the plate anymore. Our grandfathers were men of high
natural character.
And the men like this that are balanced and high in
character, they're taken right away by women or in the
greatest demand. This balanced man is rare to find today; a
man who can be himself, has qualities that women want and
isn't afraid or intimidated of being around beautiful women.
In more scientific terms, men today have become the response
to women as the stimulus (in empowered, forced reality
cultures because the whole world is NOT like this). The
natural reality of attraction (and the MATING not dating
sequence) is that men are the stimulus to which women will
respond to.
A woman will do things to look good so that men will 'pick
her' but their relationship or not rests on HER response to
HIM and not how he thinks she looks. She has to sift through
the men of different character to decide.
The men who have the most success with women anywhere have a
high level of 'character' in any of the three areas I define
in my free ebook; his natural, independent and social
character.
Good news for men is that women KNOW to respond to men of
high natural character and pick them out of the crowd.
Unfortunately for many women, that means they'll keep
irrationally choosing to sleep with bad boys who aren't
emotionally healthy until more guys like us come along.
In fact high social status men wonder if a women are just
using them for their money/power or not (ie. what Jay-Z raps
about).
Women know when a man is who his body says he is; it's hard
to 'trick' her intuition about whether he can give her the
indescribable psychosexual response that only a man of high
natural character can give her (few men reach this level but
about all could).
She is extrapolating and judging men just as harshly as men
judge women. This is a whole area I get into in my free
downloadable ebook on the website.
These physiologically and emotionally based decisions she
makes about men will overrule her strong social influences;
her body and physiological desire can't resist.
And if a good man can just develop himself and his own
character, he can have great consistent success with women
(while respecting them) and when he does want to settle down
he can find a good woman from many options.
For women, there could be more options of 'real men' and
they will stop choosing the bad boy or jerks when they
finally have the option of stable guys who have healthier
character (with just as much natural connection and ability
to please her as the bad boys).
Women will be grateful because there would be more real men
so they don't have to fight over them as much or be as
lonely. Men just have to become men of higher character and
improve themselves in the 3 areas that matter to women. This
CAN be done with the right resources to bring a man into his
natural destiny.
When a man can be more of himself at all times and he can
communicate with women that he is a man (nonverbally and
verbally) who is not ashamed of who he is; she can respect
this and will know where he stands on her
interest/attraction level (hint; he has a good chance).
And the further he communicates that he really IS the man
she idealized, the easier everything will be to take things
to a connected interdependent experience.
She's the one who will make the choice and decision of
whether anything's going to happen so it's up to a man to
help her out there. Most guys fail before they start by not
being what women want and not following the natural order of
things.
For a naturally successful man who has lots of options of
women he can take his pick but it's still the woman who are
(eagerly) choosing to be with him.
She can't tell a man to be 'more of a man', he just has to
be that man and then can have all the success he dreams of
with much less dependency on the words to say because he
will be operating from where HIS power lies, his natural
character and ability to make women swoon despite his other
personal faults.
This is about something more important than a quick-fix,
this is about bringing balance back to the force of male and
female relationships.
So my advice is for men to become their true selves of high
character potential and strength in all three areas
(natural, independent/personality and social) which will
henceforth fix almost ALL of their other problems with
attracting and succeeding with women they once were
infatuated.
It's all about the man and developing his character so that
women will respond (to his characteristics as the stimulus)
the way she dreams of responding when she finds this kind of
man.
That is the underlying current in this crazy, mixed up world
that is still the source of pure hope and life throughout
most cultures. It's up to a man to embrace and represent the
characteristics of his nature and self that will drive women
wild in reality instead of in their fantasies.
About the Author: Rion Williams is the celebrated author of 'Mens Guide
to Women' and is the first person to quantify and put
in writing 'what women want'. His free newsletter and
downloadable attraction philosophy eBook can be found
at http://www.modelmagnet.com
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