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Loving Ones Self

On one of the very first satellite radio episodes of “The Howard Stern Show,” sidekick Robin Quivers shamefully admitted that, as an adolescent, she would sometimes masturbate with fruits and vegetables. Twenty years ago, a revelation like that would have seemed shocking. But nowadays—thanks in large part to Howard himself—we as a society are much better able to put masturbation in its proper perspective. So, unless those fruits and vegetables are returned to the fridge after the girl's “dirty deed” is done—or unless her equally horny brother attempts to insert an option directly into his pee hole—jacking (or jilling) off for the enjoyment of sexual satisfaction is not a problem.

* * *

How did something as natural as a handjob end up getting such a bad rap, anyway? It no doubt started with “that old time religion,” when parishioners were repeatedly preached to about the sins of masturbation. Later on, of course, parents, doctors and other adults took up this cry and warned that masturbation would lead to mental retardation, blindness, deafness, or worse. Which led them to use every means at their disposal to stop their children from playing with themselves including threats, beatings, chastity belts, circumcisions, liniments and a whole list of other nonsensical remedies. And, it goes without saying, even as those adults were hypocritically offering up these “remedies,” they were also secretly pleasuring themselves.

* * *

Even in today's more enlightened, Howard Stern-influenced times, it's still not easy to initially broach the subject of masturbation. But just remember that masturbation is normal and most boys and some girls discover it early on. From conception a child knows that it feels good down there. Many sonograms—especially of little boys still in their mothers' wombs—show them touching themselves. If you have a son or grandson that is still a toddler or even a little older, you have likely witnessed them touching themselves more times than you care to remember. When touching occurs in your sight it is not a time for punishment but it is a time to remind the child that this is something they do in the privacy of their bedroom or the bathroom.

* * *

As a parent and grandparent I find children parenting children a great concern. I am not an advocate of premarital sex but recognize that it will occur even when we least expect it. It is therefore imperative that a child not only knows about STDs, pregnancy, and that condoms have a use other then water balloons. It is also important that children understand they can enjoy sex through masturbation until they are in a committed, adult relationship. Make them an offer they can't refuse and provide the lotion and tissues.

* * *

Uncle Terry’s underlying message for adults, then, is that masturbation should be embraced rather than demonized. While we might not all be able to address the topic as smoothly as Howard Stern does, nobody should be shamed by it the way Robin Quivers was, either.

* * *

For parents that needs a little refresher course on abstinence, sex and masturbation, check out

About the Author: Terrance Lile (Uncle Terry) is not your typical writer and advisor on sexual relationships. He serves frank, down to earth, sometimes brutal advice on sex and life. He uses humor and knowledge gained through extensive reading and personal experience. He has the support of advisors from medical and mental professionals to educators and clergy and pornographers to prostitutes. Uncle Terry can be found at

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