Is It Love or Lust?
There are zillions of lovers who swear that they had fallen for each other at the first sight. Whereas there are others who are not as lucky and so have dismissed love-at-first-sight as an unrealistic proposition. They contend it is a concept cooked up by romantics who need a plausible theory to air-brush that deadly sin stirring inside them. They insist that the tingle, that spark, that connection that you feel with a person upon seeing him or her the first time is most probably LUST. It is not, nor can it be, love. Love is built on compatibility, understanding, trust, security, respect... None of these aspects can be gauged at the first meeting, and therefore, by logical reasoning, your feelings, however powerful, can not be love at all.
Infatuation is the name
In the same vein, love at first sight is an excuse often trotted by people who either don't know, or don't want to admit that the pull of a sexual attraction can be that intense. This may well sum up the beliefs of most modern lovers. "I used to believe that love at first sight isn't such a sham as it is made out to be. His name was Jack and the first time I saw him, I was completely charmed. His good looks had an almost instantaneous magical effect on me. He was my neighbour's cousin and I used to eagerly await birthdays and anniversary functions in the neighbourhood in the hope of seeing him. In fact, on such occasions, I made sure I wore a short skirt or something sexy. I would make special efforts to speak in my accented english in front of him until one day I met another guy whom I knew for six months and got involved with him. Jack was out of my mind and my life. It's then I realised that love had a lot more to it than just physical attraction.
For many, love at first sight is just another way of saying infatuation. "I don't think there is any such thing as love at first sight. It's infatuation colour-coated as love. It's purely physical in nature. Love should not be dishonoured by comparing it with something as amorous desire," adds MNC executive Jess Jones.
There are others who also believe that it's an immature emotion felt by young teenagers. A guy may have the best looks in the world but may turn out to be the biggest cheater too. Eventually one realises the value of compatibility, steadiness, understanding and commitment in sustaining a relationship. You can't predict that a guy will share these with you at the first sight.
'tis true love
For every person who doesn't believe in this, there are others who will defend love at first sight with a dogged determination. They argue that physical attraction is the first step to any relationship. It could be the person's face, gait, hair or even butt that first attracts you to him/her. This is something called intution. "When I saw my girlfriend for the first time in school, I became completely lost in her eyes. She was new in the school and had an innocent look about her. I could feel my heart flutter with joy every time I saw her. There was an instant emotional connection. Although I couln't gather the strength to confess my feelings to her till much later, my love withstood the vagaries of time. As a friend and a classmate, I was well aware of her ongoing affairs but somewhere I still had the embers of hope burning bright. It was three years of passing out school, that I confessed my feelings to her, that too with the help of her best friend. She was hesitant initially but today we are a happy couple. It was truly love at first sight for me", says graphic designer Arun Vohra.
There can be love at first sight but the chances of success are as high or poor as the people involved in it. My brother met my sister-in-law and within three months they were married. I too married my husband in a similar fashion," adds model Jessica Simons.
You may call it the stroke of luck or destiny, the truth is there are many relationships that grew out of the so-called Cupid that struck at first sight as many as there are others that haven't worked out.
What's the difference between lust and true love?
- Lust actually occurs when you first meet someone and feel a special connection. It is based on sexual chemistry and is accompanied by a rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms and, for an unfortunate few drooling. It is more like an infatuation than enduring love. It could stem from both physical and a mental attraction.
- The main difference between lust and love is that lust often happens when there is little chance of forming a relationship. Lust is safe way to explore your feelings for someone who you may think is unattainable. This can closely resemble love, and if your feelings don't fizzle after you've snagged the object of them, then they can lead to love.
About the Author: Michael Douglas is a love and relationship expert who currently writes for Love-Lectures.com where you can find love tips for romancing your love mate and dating tips for yet another successful date. Also, he offers relationship tips to strengthen your love life and helps you in building healthy and successful relationships.