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Well, I Used to Have a Savings Account

My friend and I were on a road trip – heading from St. Louis (my hometown) to Provo, Utah (where I go to college). I’m an aggressive, non-speed-limit abiding road trip taker. I felt like I was invincible and could never get pulled over.

And why not? I’m a man with famous immigrant ancestors – people who crossed the plains. I had all the proof I needed in the world – I carried my family file pedigree resource disc with me to show that I was related to famous immigrant people like John Lathrop.

So there we were – doing 93 in a 70 mile zone – down I-70 in Booneville Missouri. “Yep, we’ll be to Kansas City in an hour....making good time, going good.....aw crap – there’s a cop!”

“How you doing today? Why you going so fast?” “Um...we’re um...going to Utah...following path of famous immigrant relatives...John Lathrop...um, yeah” (My brain is normally at least semi-alert. When it saw the cop all alertness died.) “Can you get out of your car please and come into mine?” “Um...sure.”

“We might need to send you to jail, let me try to get a hold of the judge.” Blast, I thought, hmm...think...think....think....

“Would it help matters any if I could prove that I’m related to John Lathrop & other famous immigrant colonists? Here’s a family file pedigree resource disc to show I’m telling the truth.”

“No, that won’t do you any good.” “Okay um, hmm...so....I might go to jail?” “Yes, we’ll have to have you post bond.” “Will you take checks?” “No – cash only.” “OK...um...how much will that cost?” “We’ll let you know as soon as we get a hold of the judge – but probably around 500 dollars.”

Blast blast blast! You can’t get 500 dollars out of an ATM! I might die in jail! My famous immigrant ancestors would never speak to me in the afterlife if I died because of a speeding ticket!

So we sat in his car for a few minutes. For five minutes, all my brain could think was: I’m going to jail, and there’s nothing I can do about it...and the only way out of jail is to call my parents. I’d rather stay in jail than call my parents! Hmm....I wonder if they’ll have cheese steaks in jail.

“Okay, I can’t get a hold of the judge – so you can go. But you’ll have to come back to go to court. Don’t you EVER speed through this county again. And no....I don’t care if you are related to that famous immigrant John Lathrop. You can put away that family file pedigree resource disc – it won’t do you any good.”

“Okay, thank you Mister Officer, sir.” I pledged then and there that I would never dishonor my famous immigrant ancestors ever again by speeding and then trying to use their great names, especially the name of John Lathrop, to weasel out of the punishment meted out for my misdeeds.

I kept this pledge with utter strictness for 2 whole days.

Sunday morning we woke up in our hotel in Green River, Utah. “Oh man...what time is it?” “11:30” “And what time does your plane leave from Salt Lake City Dave?” “3:30” “Holy crap! Okay – let’s book it.”

We did 95 the whole way from green river to Salt Lake City, going at speeds my famous immigrant ancestors could only have dreamed of as they walked ponderously across the desolate areas of Wyoming & Kansas. We drove through Provo, and I showed Bridal Veil Falls to Dave, where several of my famous immigrant ancestors camped one evening. I slowed down to 90 so he could get a better look at them.

We made it to the airport. “Hi parents!” “How was your trip?” “Excellent.” “Any problems happen on the way?” “Nope – none, completely flawless. Dave and I followed the path of our famous immigrant relatives and thanks to a car – we made it in less than 1/10th the time they did! I both pity those famous immigrant ancestors, and honor them for the hard work it took to get here.”

I told them about the speeding ticket 1 month later – 3 days before my court date. Wasn’t too bad in the end – my lawyer uncle had his lawyer friend go to court for me. Cost me 0 for the court fees, 0 for the lawyer, and for traffic school. My famous immigrant relatives would have been ashamed at what my misdeeds cost me. 0 would have bought 600 acres of land as well as one house for each famous immigrant relative I had.

They waived the 3 days of mandatory jail time, only because I was out of state. Unfortunately, the name of a famous immigrant ancestor, like the venerable Reverend John Lathrop, won’t persuade the cops to let you out of a speeding ticket. Even if you have a family file pedigree resource disc to prove it.


About the Author:

Christian Farmer is a web content specialist for 10x Marketing. Some think he’s a lazy bum who’s interested only in insignificant things, but others think of him as an academic with a serious command of knowledge in various fields of trivia. Learn more about your famous immigrant ancestors, John Lathrop, or a family file pedigree resource disc at http://www.pricegen.com.




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