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Build Your Confidence and Find Your Soulmate !

There are a lot of misconceptions floating around out there about what it takes to meet and attract your soul mate - that special man or woman to share your life and dreams with. Unlike what Hollywood or the fashion industry might lead you to believe, great looks, money, and glamour are not the most important characteristics you need to capture and hold the interest of a prospective marriage partner or lover.(More to the point: meaningful, long-term relationships are never based on superficial, temporary attributes).

If you're one of those people who are intent on changing your status from "single" and "unattached" to "involved" and "off the market", here are some guidelines from for improving your dating life and turning your goals into reality!

The key lies in self-awareness, continuous self-improvement, and taking personal responsibility for your situation (don't wait for fate to intervene; you must be able to identify opportunity - or create it - and then help the process along!) A major undertaking such as finding someone with whom to spend the rest of your life requires dedication, daily effort of some sort, mental focus, faith, and persistence.

Maintaining a positive mental attitude, believing in yourself, staying motivated, learning to be relaxed and confident, and fine-tuning your interpersonal communication skills (through practice) are vitally important elements of your future success with members of the opposite sex.


Here are some tips to get you started on your quest!

  • Master the art of "small talk" and practice it at every possible opportunity.

  • Develop the qualities that will draw people to you: confidence...kindness...patience...enthusiasm...friendliness...a good sense of humour...intelligence (read, take classes, join discussion groups)...talent (art, music, sports, decorating, etc.)...and a well-groomed, attractive appearance

  • Volunteer at work and in the community (you'll meet people, help others, and feel good about yourself).

  • Commit "random acts of kindness" (it's a habit that could reward you in unexpected ways!)

  • Take at least one class or seminar a month on topics that you're interested in and/or that will make you more interesting

  • Join a reputable health club and get in great shape (check it out first to observe the environment, age groups, your comfort level, etc.)

  • Get in the habit of smiling and being outgoing. Habits are what determine your life, and if they need to be changed, you can do so through daily effort.

  • Introduce yourself to people every chance you get; the more you do it, the easier and more natural it gets.

  • Develop leadership qualities; increase your "visibility"; make yourself known.

  • Join clubs, civic organizations, discussion groups, professional associations.

  • Take up tennis, golf, racketball, skiing, skiing, bowling, bingo, dancing, whatever!

  • Be socially active: go to concerts, night clubs, festivals, special events, company picnics, etc.

  • Set goals and write them down: "Within 6 months/by the summer/before New Year's Eve/by next Valentine's Day.. I'll have a girlfriend or boyfriend; and within that time, I'll take the necessary actions to make that goal a reality."

  • Work on strengthening your self-esteem every day: read books, listen to tapes, keep a journal, read/recite positive affirmations, be your own best friend! Forgive yourself when you have temporary setbacks in your progress.

  • Redefine your definition of failure. Failure is a condition you create when you're unwilling to try, when you give up, when you don't believe in yourself. The only thing that defines you as a failure or a "loser" is a self-defeating attitude! Failure is not a temporary inability to produce the desired results.

  • Have faith in yourself and back it up with persistent action.

  • Analyse what works and what doesn't work; concentrate on continually improving your approach and refining your social skills.

  • It's up to you whether or not to take rejection personally. If you do, it'll cause you to get discouraged and bitter. Both of those states of mind will undermine your chances of success. To borrow a famous quote: “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent!” (Eleanor Roosevelt?)

  • Meeting and attracting the right person is a process; it doesn't happen overnight, and you can't predict when it will happen. It's just the result of staying active, being persistent, and having faith that the right person is out there eagerly waiting to meet you!

  • Expand your social circle (friends can "fix you up", invite you to parties, expose you to new people).

  • Attend church, synagogue, the mosque or other spiritual places. As well as giving you a clearer perspective on the real meaning of life, they are ideal places for meeting like-minded people

  • Dating websites: thousands of people have met their soul mate through online personals. It is fun and safe. Online personals can be a useful part of an effective multi-faceted strategy to find the right person. As the above list suggests, don't rely too much on any one technique or approach. Multiply your chances of success by having a lot of "irons in the fire". If you're considering giving online dating a try, we would recommend free sites like <a TITLE=”Free online dating – find the man or woman of your dreams”></a> and <a href= TITLE=”Recommended free dating portal - millions of picture profiles from around the world”></a>. Best of luck!

About the Author: Nadeem Azam, 35, lives in London, England. He is Marketing Manager of Free Dating

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