Christian Coaching - Handling Conflict Biblically
Conflict happens. It starts with the difficulty of pulling the covers off and stepping out of bed. So far so good. You shower, eat, drive to work, then something happens. (You knew it would, right?)
Trouble can come from anywhere. A misplaced file causes a person to miss a deadline. A employee (maybe even you!) promises more than you could deliver. A prospect finds a defect in one of your products that needs replacing right away.
We all know that setbacks are going to occur in life. problems that strain relations between you and your customer. problems that can cause disappointment and mistrust to accumulate. Will this mean the end of a once strong relationship?
Not necessarily, when strains rise between you and a customer, it may be time for a real conversation. It is time to become transparent and address the difficulty that is causing trouble. But how do you keep a ugly conversation from becoming a full-scale feud that forever damages relations with your friend?
Here are 4 ideas to get you through the hard talks that can make or break your relationships. Conversation blockers or your hot buttons as they are called, are the emotional reactions set off by the words or actions of others during tough conversations. You feel triggered during conflict when you believe the other person's talk or actions as threatening to your goals in some way. Common obstacles include real or perceived threats to your character, virtue, privilege, and sense of being included.
Your hot buttons can foul you up in difficulty because they cause you to misconstrue, shut down, castigate, or take a side trip down the blame road. They also trigger a set of emotional responses that may lead to escalation.
When you are triggered, your brain may endure what is called a neural hijacking. The brain concludes a threat, proclaims an alluvion and moves into combat. This response occurs so instantaneously that the conscious, thinking portion of the brain does not yet fully understand what is happening.
So, you are off and running. While saying she presses my buttons suggests it is the other persons duty to knock it off, only you can deal with your own prompts. Everyone's bait is a little different, so what prompts me may not spark you. This is why charging others for inducing you is not very effective. You squander time expecting them to change what they are doing, when only you can change your own responses.
How do you avoid a trap instead of point fingers? Here are some effective approaches for identifying, recognizing and managing conflict prompts. Begin with examining your intentions. Keeping your calm and in control during conflict is in a large part dependent upon the evaluation you do when you are not in situation.
Learn what prompts you and why you are set off. Get back to the source. A coach is an excellent resource to walk you through the process. Denying your part is like building a house in sand. Train yourself other ways to handle it. Once you are aware of. You probably would not take Brain Surgery Made Easy and then offer your services as an authority. By trying to use them daily when the urgent disputes arise, you will be prepared to handle and masterfully defuse the situation.
In the middle of the tension, pause. Take note of your emotions, reactions and tone of voice. A angry face, sweating, typically takes for your internal flooding to subside.
Beware of venting as a regular strategy. While it is a popular notion that venting makes people feel better and promotes getting the emotional buzz out of the way, research suggests that if you use this method often, the opposite effect occurs. While it may relieve in the moment, venting anger as your regular method may make you more angry and push your body and brain into a more intense state of anxiety or rage.
God's Word tells us in Proverbs 26:4,5 says, the fool must be answered but not in a foolish manner. Studies show that anger is a problem for every Christian. Sinful anger comprises roughly 90 percent of all counseling problems . While it is not wrong to act in anger since the purpose of the emotion is to motivate. It is wrong if it is used improperly. It must be used glorify God. After all, anger is a strong force that God built into us with the intent of moving him to Scriptural action. Rage and anger are two different emotions. Anger is proper in communication of feelings in reaction to someones behavior. Jesus got angry. Mark writes to us that Jesus rebuked the Pharisees in anger (3:5). John tells us of Jesus driving out the moneychangers from the house of God (2:17). God, Himself is angry with the wicked everyday (Psalm 7:11).
To presuppose anger as wrong without qualification constitutes a brash and irresponsible use of scripture. Our emotional make up is from God. All of our emotions when used according to scripture are blessed. Emotions become destructive when we fail to use them in harmony with Biblical limitations and structures. Scripture also teaches us to be angry AND sin not! Biblically appropriate anger can become wrong anger in two ways. By the venting anger and by the internalization of anger. That is by blowing up and clamming up. The Biblical way to handle anger is to direct it on the problem not toward the person. Deal with it fast, and regain the relationship. Putting the other before yourself.
About the Author: Michael Young M.Ed. Coach/Counselor. Michael has written and published articles and books on mastering time, perspective of money, improving relationships. To talk with Michael Click here Christian Life Coaching Life Coaching - Complimentary Session Click here Life Coaching Session