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How to Flirt!
Ask a woman if she knows how to flirt and if she bothers to answer, she'll say of course. Ask any guy and maybe he knows, but probably not. So guys -- let’s get going and learn how to flirt.
What for?
Flirting is key to meeting and getting women interested in you. Flirting builds chemistry and sexual tension, by telling the other person you are accessible but not available. Flirting also assesses the other person's interest in you. If women think you are available, (or worse, desperate) they lose interest. Flirting opens contact and starts off some interaction which may or may not go further.
OK so what is flirting?
Flirting is playful, silly and fun. Women are much more inclined to be silly than men, but usually only act really silly and playful with girlfriends. Once they find a guy who will be silly and playful with them, they are really surprised and just love it.
First Signals -- don't be fooled.
Often before flirting actually begins, women will give signals, like touching their hair, called protean signals. These are usually unconscious signals like a 'tell' in a poker game, where the woman is still unsure and trying to decide if she is interested. Proteans signals can be deceptive and are often mis-interpreted.
Most men see these signals as a green light and charge right in mistaking friendliness or assessing signals for sexual interest. This is subconsciously what women are trying to do, but not the way it is being interpreted.
Women often send ambiguous and erratic signals just to beat the bushes and see what is really going on. This gets guys to show their real intentions and then the woman can sort out who is desperate, who wants quick sex and who is a 'nice guy.'
Often women don't fully realize what they are doing, so don't hold it against them and don't get sucked in, and don't make any hasty moves.
Sometimes the best defense is offense right? So send back signals -- be unpredictable and silly. Send interest or intimacy signals like prolonging eye contact slightly longer than normal, then make no eye contact at all. This takes the initiative back and builds tension because she is kept guessing and anticipating.
Next is the actual flirting
Be playful, silly and fun. Don't talk about anything serious. Relax and let it happen. Once you are into the conversation, start noticing her body language, and start to subtly mirror their stance and other physical placement. If they are leaning on one leg, lean on the same leg. Try to imitate their stance but don't over do it. This will establish a subtle 'sympatico.'
Some psychologists suggest taking this further, to imitate breathing but I have always thought this was a little over the top.
Have fun and don't push anything. Stay open and keep that smile going on forever!
Are they responding?
Gauge the other person’s level of interest. Where is she looking? How fast does her smile disappear? Who is initiating conversation? Are you finding that you have to continue asking questions to continue the conversation? If she isn't engaging with you, make a graceful exit. There are lots more fish in the pond!
Keep your body language open
Try not to cross your arms or legs. Appear relaxed and open. Try to avoid anything negative about your manner or body language such as, appearing stressed, unhappy, or sad.
What's next?
Meeting someone casually and flirting is the first step. After talking to them for awhile, or at the end of the evening, the big question is should you ask for a date. Unfortunately there are no hard and fast rules. It all depends on how it feels. There are a few guidelines though:
1. If you feel very uncomfortable, you probably shouldn't do it. Asking for a phone number or setting up a meeting should be the most natural thing in the world. If it feels forced, uncomfortable, or it doesn't feel entirely natural, then it probably isn't a good idea.
2. Don't be too available (again!) Show interest, but don't push. Relax and let it happen!
3. Be careful! This is where guys really blow it big time. If there is a reasonable chance that you will see her again because you have friends in common, best to leave it until next time you see her. If you think that you probably won't get another chance, then you may want to push the envelope just a bit.
About the Author: Robert Johanssen is writer and psychologist. Visit his website, Sexual Technique for more information on Improving your sexual technique
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