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A couple of generations ago divorce carried a rather onerous social stigma. This made starting over almost impossible, but this is no longer the case in our society. This change has not come from a positive improvement, but rather the sad fact that divorce has become much too common. When you seek to begin dating after divorce you can take comfort from the fact that you are far from alone.

Knowing you have a lot of company, however, does not always make it any easier to begin. There are still a couple of pitfalls you are going to have to avoid. The main one is “letting go”. If you are seeking to date to teach your ex a lesson, or to get back at them, or really for any reason that in any way relates to your ex, you are not ready yet, and need to deal with that issue first. Stay on task here, you are not trying to change the past, but to enjoy the present, and maybe even begin the future. Put another way: make sure the door is closed before you open a window.

Another way you can let the past screw up your attempts to move on and get back into circulation, is to base your dating expectations on the qualities you liked or disliked about your ex. In other words, if you just divorced a tall one, don’t confine yourself to short ones in the hope you won’t make the same mistake again. Your potential dates certainly have a right to be judged on their own merits, and not by how they stack up to your ex. A little Golden Rule application here would be helpful. Remember your date is most likely “dating after divorce” too, and you wouldn’t want to be constantly compared either.

The most important thing to remember is you must not be hampered by a sense of failure. It is important to realize that the relationship failed, not you, and usually not your ex either. If you can not accept this, and approach the dating world free from an excessive amount of guilt, you might find a lot of dates, but you can be pretty sure you are not going to be a good date yourself. Start fresh, and start free, and be happy again. You most likely deserve it.

About the Author: Ron Zvagelsky has a degree in Business Administration from the University of Southern California. He graduated Magna Cum Laude in May 2006. He is currently the Chief Executive Officer of PlanJam – where you can find fun date ideas and romantic date ideas.